I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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