smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
