I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
