Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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