You're a womanizer and a bitch.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
