I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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