I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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