i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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