I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
