So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
