that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
