I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
