Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
