I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
