My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
