you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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