Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize