the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
