Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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