I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Your penis caused this!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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