Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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