and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it was like eating out sand paper
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
