When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize