Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
