Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
