turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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