Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Drunk is a universal language darling
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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