well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
