around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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