sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
