I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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