You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
