He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
