I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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