her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
