I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
