you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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