dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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