I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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