Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
