actually, I'm a sock model
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
