There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
