I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
