8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
