i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
