walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize