I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
