Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the day after is always just damage control
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
