I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
