Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
