so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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