I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
