And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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