smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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