Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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