i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
