Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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