At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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