Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
