Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
