i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
