Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
