Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
