love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
