Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
