would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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