I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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