You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I could make wine with my vomit
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
