addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You left your phone here
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