my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
