its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I am full of burrito and curiosity
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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