we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize