You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
