Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.

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(352): View more from Florida

he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled

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(231): View more from Michigan

I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.

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(917): View more from New York City

his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently

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(860): View more from Connecticut

My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.

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