he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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