i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
