yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
