I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
sarcasm needs its own font
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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