doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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