just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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