the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
