Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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