____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Im part way to drunk.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
