How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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