We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
