Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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