Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
