He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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