I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
