Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
