If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
my poor anus
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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